Alternate Episode Title: “Hulk’s Blood = Ultimate Fertilizer!”

Our first review/discussion on one of Marvel’s comic book DTV feature-length animated movies. It just so happens to also be the best one released thus far. Planet Hulk was a great comic series and while it’s animated adaptation is watered down both in terms of story and artistic quality it still provides a smashingly good time and manages to be pretty damn entertaining to boot.

The Hulk is in rare form for his second animated film, with a lot more lines of dialogue and some actual character development. The green giant is much more fleshed out and his interactions with other characters don’t always end with brutal violence this time around, although there is more than enough carnage to keep things interesting. The confrontation with Beta Ray Bill being one of the more memorable action scenes. There’s also some decent side characters to move the story along such as the adorably-amusing insectoid Miek, the power-hungry Red King, the savagely-equine Beta Ray Bill and the honorably-righteous Caiera. One can only hope that deservingly solid sales of Planet Hulk will urge Lionsgate to begin production on World War Hulk, this time with a larger animation budget and a grittier art style that’s more akin to the source material. Highly recommended to comic book fans!

The Hard Cast is forming a brotherhood of Warbound warriors who can stare death in the eyes and stand their ground. One thing to remember though, not every confrontation has to end in bloodshed. As Miek would say sometimes it’s better to be a hider than a fighter especially if you’re up against a mutant Mr. Ed on steroids.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7.5
  
• -PATRICK: 7
  

Episode Length: 33:23

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Planet Hulk [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Planet Hulk (Two Disc Special Edition DVD)
Amazon: Planet Hulk DVD

Planet Hulk HD Trailer

 
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Alternate Ep. Title: “Orgasmic Gun-Play & Booty-Licious Magic!”

Bayonetta is one of the first big titles to come out this new year and it’s been awhile since we’ve had any new additions to the Core Gamer section so I think you’ll agree that it was obviously a match made in heaven. A worthy successor for many to the Devil May Cry throne which is fitting since it’s coming from the creator of the original DMC, Hideki Kamiya.

There’s a shitload of adjectives that one could use to describe this game. Adjectives such as over-the-top, flashy, stylish, sexy, visceral, feminine, epic, cheesy, unique, insanely wacky, precise, bloody and the list goes on and on. Most of the characters start off as annoying but eventually begin to grow on you a bit once you become numb to the overwhelmingly ridiculous corniness that tries to pass itself off as a story. If you can get past the cheap slide-show style cut-scenes and the exaggerated sexuality (not a problem for us) then you’ll find a really deep combat system with lots of unlockables. All of this adds immensely to the replayability and overall enjoyment of the gaming experience. Recommended to those who know exactly what they’re in for.

Grab hold of your jiggling tater-tots because Father Balder is once again trying to resurrect some ancient God and/or cliche supernatural threat and The Hard Cast is looking for individuals who can handle themselves around insanical amounts of climax action. I think it goes without saying that prudes and puritans need not apply but that’s neither Here nor Hair!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7.5
  
• -VICTOR: 8
  

Episode Length: 34:36

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Bayonetta X360
Amazon: Bayonetta PS3

 
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Alt. Ep. Title: “Eggplant Sicilians, Cantaloupe Wiggers, and Elvis!”

One of my all time favorite QT movies gets The Hard Cast treatment for Valentine’s Day! The ensemble cast to end all ensemble casts. Definitely some of the best performances you’ll ever see from all the actors involved and some outrageously cool dialogue. Not to mention all the memorable and over-the-top characters that seem like stereotypes but somehow manage to come across as unique.

Tony Scott’s flashy and bombastic style gels surprisingly well with QT’s script. The story comes at you in a very rapid fire pace but still keeps you right in the thick of things. It’s amazing that despite the fairly short screen time that a lot of the characters have that they still succeed in making their mark. That truly is a testament to the insane amounts of talent that was involved in all facets of the production. Special mention also has to be made for Hans Zimmer’s unique musical score. A delightfully pleasant theme song that seeps into your core and just brightens the whole experience. Highly recommended!

Valentine’s Day Tips from The Hard Cast:

1. Lady’s should always let their guys know if they have pimp. If you try and keep something like this from your man than you’re just a common WHORE!

2. Guy’s should not leave their driver’s licenses at a whorehouse. Doing so can end up costing you a lot more than the fee for a replacement license.

3. Women don’t really want chocolate or flowers, they find it much more romantic if you kill their pimp and bring home a suitcase full of cocaine.

4. Guys probably shouldn’t let their Valentines know that they secretly want to fuck Elvis. Even though he is sexier than Val Kilmer in a gold suit and Sonny Chiba in a triple feature combined.

5. It’s probably best not to lie to a Sicilian or call him an eggplant. This is actually pretty good advice for any day of the year.

We here at The Hard Cast hope you really enjoy the hell out of your VD!

PS: Relax, it’s suppose to burn when you pee.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 9
  
• -VICTOR: 9.2
• -SPANISH: 8.7
• -PATRICK: 8

Episode Length: 36:35

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: True Romance [Blu-ray]
Amazon: True Romance (Two-Disc Special Edition DVD)

 
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Alt. Ep. Title: “Bootleg Michael Cera VS. Twinkie Clown Zombies!”

Zombie movies are definitely in and this movie is one of the most entertaining releases to come out in the genre. The mix between horror, comedy, and action is a welcome change and hasn’t been done this well since Shaun of the Dead. It’s nice to see that movie going audiences still appreciate R rated flicks. Certainly one of the bigger surprise hits of 2009.

Woody Harrelson as the overly aggressive redneck zombie killer known as Tallahassee steals almost every scene he’s in and has a lot of the best lines. Jesse Eisenberg gets the job done as the stereotypical Jew nerd but seems to be channeling Michael Cera for most of his scenes. Unfortunately Emma Stone is not used to her full comedic potential but there’s always hope for the sequel. Of course the Bill Murray cameo is epic and one of the highlights of the movie. Highly recommended to both zombie fans as well as fans of comedies in general. Not to be missed!

It’s desperate times out there! The Hard Cast and Bill Murray are looking for zombie killers who are capable of obeying “The Rules” because it’s time to “Nut Up of Shut Up!” If you think you can handle that then just maybe there’s a Twinkie in it for ya. Otherwise you can hang back with the other clowns!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 8
  
• -VICTOR: 8
  
• -SPANISH: 8
  

Episode Length: 35:00

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Zombieland [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Zombieland DVD

 
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Alternate Ep. Title: “Tony the Tiger is an Archer Who Loves MMA!”

Our third Donnie Yen martial arts movie review/discussion. I guess the old Yenster has grappled his way into your hardened hearts. Certainly a solid followup to the highly-praised Killzone (SPL) at least in terms of the fight choreography and highly-ballistic gun-play. Definitely bringing the goods with the modern day MMA style no-holds-barred street brawling.  

While the story and characters weren’t as compelling as they were in Donnie and Yip’s previous Hong Kong cop actioner, Killzone. The highly evolved free-flowing modern day martial arts fight choreography almost made up for the other areas that were lacking. Louis Koo and Collin Chou, of Matrix Reloaded fame, both acquit themselves fairly well. Especially Chou who almost manages to go toe to toe with the Yenster himself. Highly recommended to martial arts fans who can tolerate a very straight-forward/derivative storyline. Trust us, the fight scene at the end has to seen to be believed!

The Hard Cast is looking for some hardcore listeners who are willing to straddle the line between right and wrong! There are those who may accuse us of giving out unfair reviews but there’s a job to do and you better not make it personal or we might have to bust some heads!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7.5
  
• -VICTOR: 7.2
  
• -SPANISH: 7
  

Episode Length: 27:05

PS: Flash Point is available on Netflix streaming!

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Flash Point DVD

 
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Alternate Ep. Title: “Eight @#$%ing Days of Dolph!”

A movie that every self-proclaimed Dolph Lundgren fan should definitely have in their collection. Dark Angel (I Come in Peace) has it all with the over-the-top action, the abundant laughs, fun/memorable characters, and drug dealing aliens with laryngitis. I mean really, what more could you ask for from an early 90′s sci-fi B-Movie blockbuster?!  

There’s lots to like about this flick especially the strong chemistry between the protagonists Jack Caine and Laurence Smith. The personality clashes between the uptight by-the-book FBI agent and the gung-ho rebellious police detective are always a hoot n’ half. Of course you can’t forget all the witty one-liners and the constant stream of random explosions. I also have to say that Matthias Hues makes quite the imposing alien even if he doesn’t really seem to understand the meaning of the words “I Come in Peace.” Unfortunately, they just don’t make them like this anymore.

Alien drug dealers are on their way to Earth to harvest the insanely-massive amounts of endorphins that are produced in a human’s brain after listening to an episode of The Hard Cast! They won’t arrive for eight fucking days which is more than a week. Plenty of time for Jack Caine and Laurence Smith to be cocked n’ loaded!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7.5
  
• -LUIZ: 7.5
  

Episode Length: 33:20

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:
Amazon UK: Dark Angel (I Come in Peace) DVD
 
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