Alternate Episode Title: “Voltan: Slayer of the Loaf!”

Probably one the most notoriously bad fantasy B-Movies of all time. They don’t get much more unintentionally hilarious than this one folks. Jack Palance’s performance as Voltan is insanely awful and actually manages to stand out amongst all the other really bad acting. The other big standout would be the soundtrack which seems to be a crazy fusion of disco and orchestral.

If Terry Marcel and Harry Robertson were shooting for a super generic fantasy when they wrote Hawk the Slayer then they most definitely achieved their goal. Almost zero back story for any of the characters and hardly any plot other than your standard good vs. evil stuff along with with some vanilla flavored revenge tale. They didn’t even bother to name the land/country/world that the movie takes place in let alone explaining the different types of magic and/or religions. The artwork used for the movie’s poster is actually much more interesting to look at and also happens to have a more compelling story than the movie it’s meant to promote. Let us hope and pray that the sequel fares better. Watch at your own risk…

The Hard Cast is forming a merry band of heroes and adventurers in order to embark on a quest of utmost importance. So drop that 100-sided die and put away your 4th edition D&D handbook. We must locate the lair of the legendary Terry Marcel and slay the foul beast before he can unleash another unholy abomination as wretched as the infamous Hawk the Slayer!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 5.5
  
• -PATRICK: 5
  

Episode Length: 32:21

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Hawk The Slayer DVD
Hawk the Slayer Soundtrack

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “2009′s Top Erection-Inducing Picks!”

2009′s finest movies and games racing towards your ears at the top speed that insanical sideways verbage can achieve! So many entertaining diversions from last year to dissect and so little time to do it in. We have a decent sized crew this go around. This Hard Cast Prime is devoted to our top picks of last year and like every professional procrastinator will tell you. Better late than never!

Movies Discussed: Star Trek, District 9, The Hangover, Sherlock Holmes, The Watchmen, The Goods, The Invention of Lying, Avatar, Zombieland, Inglorious Bastards and more honorable mentions!

Games Discussed: Call of Duty: MW2, Batman: Arkham Asylum, New Super Mario Bros., Borderlands, Shadow Complex, Uncharted 2, Assassin’s Creed II, House of the Dead: Overkill, Madworld and more honorable mentions!

A bit of a wrap up of 2009 and something a little different for our listeners. Stay tuned for more irregularly unscheduled episodes of Hard Cast Prime with our standard long-winded misguided exploits and plenty of new cohorts/members. Here’s to an awesome and very exciting 2010!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
  
• -VICTOR
  
• -SPANISH
• -MARLON
  

Episode Length: 38:15

Top 5 Most Downloaded Episodes of 2009

1. Hard Cast Prime Episode 4

2. Hard Cast Prime Episode 0

3. Raiden IV Review

4. Hard Cast Prime Episode 3

5. New Police Story Review

 
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Alternate Ep. Title: “Victim of the Sneaky Angry God Reach-Around!”

Bringing down the roof with this underground samurai kaiju cult classic! Often labeled as the premier Japanese art-house monster movie but that description comes across as being kind of snobbish so we’ll just say that it’s an extremely solid entry into our Asian Cinema category. A fairly simple tale that blends many of the best elements of both samurai films and giant monster movies.

Actually more of a period samurai epic than a standard monster movie. This film had considerably above-average production values. Appropriately authentic looking sets and costumes. Along with believable performances and sympathetic characters. A story that emphasizes the age-old mantra that those who continue to do evil will eventually get their comeuppance. Except in this case the punishment is doled out by a wrathful demon god who seems to have an unnatural hatred for roofs and chains. Highly recommended to all kaiju/samurai movie lovers!

The Hard Cast invites you to the annual sacred appease-an-angry-god ceremony! We promise it will be a night to remember with lots of geishas and plenty of sake bombs to go around. Just remember, don’t be wasteful because Daimajin is always watching….

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 8
  
• -LUIS: 8
  

Episode Length: 28:31

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:
Amazon: Daimajin DVD
Amazon: Daimajin 2: Wrath of Daimajin DVD
Amazon: Daimajin 3: Return of Daimajin DVD
Amazon: The Complete Daimajin Collection DVD
 
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Alternate Ep. Title: “No Matter Where You Go There’s Big BooTe!”

The 80′s sci-fi cult classic starring Peter Weller as a physicist-neurosurgeon-samurai-rock musician-jet car driver-comic book hero who goes by the rather incomparable name of Buckaroo Banzai. One of those flicks that’s not very easy to describe but still quite enjoyable to experience with all its considerable charm and oddball humor. Not to mention the fun characters and solid cast.

Very fun, off the wall performances from John Lithgow and Christopher Lloyd as the evil red lectroids. Nice little turns from Jeff Goldblum, Clancy Brown, and the late Vincent Schiavelli. Some interesting alien ship designs that resemble coral or other forms of sea life that added to the overall originality of the movie along with the memorable/quirky dialogue. The story does tend to go off in too many directions at the same time without waiting for the audience to catch up but that doesn’t keep it from being both unique and entertaining.

The Hard Cast is seeking fresh recruits to join the ranks of the Hong Kong Cavaliers. So if you think you can hang with the likes of Perfect Tommy and Rawhide then hop into our modified jet car. We’re heading for the Banzai Institute and we know a little shortcut that just happens to be across the eighth dimension!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7
  
• -VICTOR: 6.789
  
• -LUIS: 7
  

Episode Length: 28:40

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension DVD
Amazon: Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai : Across the Eighth Dimension (Book)

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Dances with Wolves Balls Deep in Space!”

James Cameron’s technological marvel is finally out and we’re here to throw in our two cents! Lots of varied opinions/impressions being tossed around but there are a few nuggets of insight to be found amidst the maelstrom of auditory chaos. This episode also marks the debut of our newest member, Marlon, who sounds like he’s channeling Barry White for this discussion.

An amazing visual tour de force, Avatar has a lot going for it and plenty of brand-spanking-new technology to back it up. Awe-inspiring attention to detail would be one way to describe the lush jungle environments and the imaginative creatures that inhabit the perilous world of Pandora. Unfortunately, the same level of praise cannot be bestowed upon the narrative. Clunky dialogue, one dimensional characters, and gaping plot holes abound. It’s a shame that so much of the story had to be dumbed down in order to appeal to a wider audience. Despite all this, Avatar is still a hell of a 3D thrill ride (especially for younger audience members) and is not to be missed on the big screen.

The Navi are waiting for their paraplegic messiah and if you think you have what it takes to fill that wheelchair then The Hard Cast is here to let you know that Avatar is more than just a Fern Gully ripoff with mechs!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 8
  
• -VICTOR: 8
  
• -STEVEN: 10
• -PATRICK: 8
• -SPANISH: 6.5
• -MARLON: 7.5
  

Episode Length: 60:50

Links of Interest:
Team Avatar: World Police

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Coagulated Expectations!”

A double-whammy of an episode! Both the anime and live action versions of Blood: The Last Vampire are the topic of discussion. Adapting one form of entertainment medium into another is always a tricky process and there’s usually a loss of quality somewhere along the way. Unfortunately, this was definitely the case with these two movies.

I’ve always been a fan of the Blood anime movie despite it’s very short running time. I was quite excited when I heard they were making a live action movie and I definitely had high hopes. That is until I got a chance to see the trailer at which point I immediately lowered my expectations. Whereas the anime has moments of extreme terror and intense violence that are very effective. The live action adaptation is marred by sloppy over-ambitious fight sequences and absolutely god-awful CG. Due to the longer run time the story is greatly expanded in the live action movie but for the most part is poorly handled and takes away from the mystery that was present in the anime. The live action is a rental at best and the anime is a must see if you’re a fan of the genre.

Saya is MIA and has probably gone rogue. The Hard Cast is seeking new vampire hunters so if you look good in a Japanese school girl outfit, have an unreasonably strong desire for vengeance, and don’t mind fake-ass peanut butter CG blood than step to the front of the line!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 8.5 (Anime) 6 (Live Action)
  
• -VICTOR: 8.5 (Anime) 6.5 (Live Action)

Episode Length: 36:38

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Blood: The Last Vampire DVD
Amazon: Blood: The Last Vampire [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Blood – The Last Vampire DVD (Anime)
Amazon: Blood: The Last Vampire [Blu-ray] (Anime)

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Head-Shot With A Tactical Nuke!”

Our review/discussion for multi-player is finally available for civilian consumption. Took us awhile but we hope that you agree that the wait was worth it. We had a chance to really dive into what most would argue is the real meat of COD: MW2 and to say that we had some stuff to talk about would be a definite understatement. Our highest rated review yet.

We pick apart the major changes and upgrades the multi-player has gone through since the first Modern Warfare. Lack of party chat, deathstreaks, killstreaks, third person mode, level cap increase, revamped perks, riot shields, titles, emblems and so much more. It’s all there, packed so tight that it’s positively volatile. This episode is goddamn ready to explode into your ears with the precision of a tactical insertion and the force of a nuke. On top of all that we even threw in some witty banter at no extra charge. Hoo-Rah!

The Hard Cast is going in hot and we need some vets (I don’t mean animal doctors) to back us up. So if you think you’ve got the right combination of perks and killstreaks to really bring the heat than step up to the line. Be warned though because we will be reviewing accuracy ratings and kill/death ratios!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 9.5
  
• -VICTOR: 9.5
  
• -STEVEN: 9.9
  

Episode Length: 50:34

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 X360
Amazon: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 PS3
Amazon: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 PC

 
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