Alternate Ep. Title: “Poisonous Coochie Ninjasscre!”

One of the most iconic anime movies of the 90′s! Viewed by many as Yoshiaki Kawajiri’s masterwork although for me it’s tied with Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust. Definitely not for the kiddies what with the rampant rapeage and hardcore gore. Tons of sword swinging action, memorable characters, and plenty of over-the-top samurai/ninja antics.

If you’re looking for feudal era style action with a heaping dose of demonic mythology you really can’t do much better than Ninja Scroll. A fairly solid story of vengeance, betrayal, and shadow conspiracies holds everything together. The 8 Devils of Kimon made for some interesting villains and their unique abilities are definitely fun to see in action. The final showdown between Jubei and Gemma was epic to say the least and has certainly earned its place as a golden moment in anime history. Keep your fingers crossed that Kawajiri will someday soon grace us with a worthy sequel.

Dakuan has entrusted The Hard Cast with the task of finding worthy operatives to uncover Lord Gemma’s diabolical plans to overthrow the government which would thrust Japan into an era of turmoil and chaos. Do you have what it takes to resist the temptations of the poisonous coochie (aka: poichie) or will you end up paying the ultimate price?

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 9
  
• -VICTOR: 8
  
• -STEVEN: 7.5
  

Episode Length: 39:59

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:
Amazon: Ninja Scroll (Essence of Anime) DVD
Amazon: Ninja Scroll (10th Anniversary Ed.) DVD

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Yanked So Hard The Reverse Came In!”

The ninth Hard Cast Prime is upon thee! Prepare for extreme violation! Chaotic verb-age reigns and only the strong will survive this auditory onslaught! Our long lost brother has returned to us, once thought to be trapped within the eye of the storm otherwise known as the educational system. We are jubilantly happy to accept Luis back into the fold, at least that’s what he thinks anyway.

Discussions revolving around a broad range of topics such as: Ninja Assassin, Avatar, Michelle Rodriguez, Brittany Murphy, Borderlands DLC, Wallace & Gromit, Angels & Demons, Final Fantasy VIII, Battle for Terra, Death Metal Concerts, some Anime, old school game collecting and much more! More than enough material to bop your baloney, pluck your peacock, smack your sasquatch, smear your smurf, cloister your clam (for our female listeners), lasso your lemon, ravish your radish, dig your ditch, cram your carrot, yodel your yeti, or pump your potato. Here at The Hard Cast, we aims to please!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -STEVEN
• -VICTOR
• -LUIS
• -SPANISH
  

Episode Length: 66:16

Links of Interest:
My New Haircut
My New Haircut (Asian Edition)

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Retardo Robot Castration!”

A little 90′s sci-fi cult flick gets some attention from The Hard Cast. A title that slipped past a lot of people back in the day but is now available on both DVD and Blu-Ray thanks to the fine folks at Severin. Unfairly compared to such classic films as The Terminator. Hardware actually has a quite a few things going for it even despite it’s minuscule budget.

The idea of having a killer robot that can repair itself and run on almost any type of energy is actually pretty cool. Solid cinematography, decent acting for the most part, a standout soundtrack, and an interesting world that reminded me of Mad Max mixed with some cyberpunk elements. While I would have liked a higher body count they did manage a couple over-the-top death scenes with a decent amount of blood/gore. The design of the genocidal robot was fairly unique and it’s too bad that we probably won’t ever get to see the Mark 13 again since a sequel seems unlikely at this point. If you’re a fan of underground sci-fi B-Movies then you’ll probably get a mega-jolt out of Hardware.

Angry Bob and The Hard Cast need your help in uncovering the conspiracy involving the Mark 13 project and the government’s plans to slaughter mankind, all in the name of population control. If the people in charge get their way then “No Flesh Shall Be Spared“!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7
  
• -PATRICK: 6.866666666666666666666666666
  
• -SPANISH: 7
  

PS: Due to technical difficulties Spanish’s audio may sound a little garbled at times but I guess it’s only fitting that he comes across sounding like a robot albeit it a very lazy and unproductive one.

Episode Length: 49:22

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Hardware (Blu-ray)
Amazon: Hardware (2-Disc Limited Edition DVD)

 
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Alternate Ep. Title: “Waa-Douchbags Beware the Mighty Hawaiian!”

One of the key Hard Cast titles that we finally got to sit down, discuss/review, and actually record! Another hidden gem that’s definitely a step up from the competition (*cough* rUSH hOUR). A movie that deserved to be seen by the masses but has unfortunately been relegated to relative obscurity but we’re here to do our part about getting the word out!

Amazingly visceral fight scenes, laugh out loud humor, great character chemistry, and fun/memorable villains. Probably the best fight choreography seen in an American martial arts movie even to this day. All of which was expertly executed by Mark Dacascos and Koichi Sakamoto’s talented stunt crew. Vic Madison, Hedgehog, and Kato (advanced model) make for some really great villains with their non-stop persistence. Kadeem Hardison definitely brings the humor and it’s a shame that his career didn’t take off. Unfortunately, Brittany Murphy has yet to replicate a performance as  fun/unpredictable as the one she gives in this flick. A movie certainly worth tracking down by any means necessary. Steve Wang’s Drive is a must see!

The Hard Cast is about to kick its karaoke skillz into Over-Drive but first we need your help. Vic and Hedgehog are hot on our trails and we need to catch a ride to Los Angeles before the advanced model gives us a cheap death!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 9
  
• -VICTOR: 9.5
  
• -STEVEN: 10
  

Episode Length: 32:57

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:
Amazon: Drive (DC) DVD
 
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Alternate Episode Title: “There’s Always a Ramirez!”

Our review/discussion for the single player campaign and the Special Ops co-op is finally available for civilian consumption. Despite a rather short campaign we had quite a lot to get off our chest. We were throwing out opinions like they were frag grenades. The lack of a campaign co-op feature is definitely a negative but the addition of Spec Ops almost makes up for it.

They brought the conflict home in this latest installment of the Call of Duty franchise. Running around in burnt out American neighborhoods was rather disturbing and seeing the white house on fire was pretty damn epic as well. So many memorable set pieces and plenty of “OH SHIT!” moments. Some of us preferred the campaign in the original Modern Warfare but none of us can deny that MW2 is a hella fun/memorable experience even despite it’s short play time and the Hans Zimmer score is appropriately rousing.

The amount of communication, teamwork, and coordination that’s required for the Spec Ops missions is absolutely insane. There’s enough missions to keep you and your buddies busy for more than a hot minute and will probably end up giving you more hours of enjoyment than the single player campaign. The variety of the challenges available keeps it all fresh and fun. Patience and a reliable partner are the key to accomplishing some of the more difficult missions.

The hunt is on for the international terrorist known as Makarov and The Hard Cast needs your help. So if you think you’ve got the skillz then grab your weapon of choice and hightail it to the LZ! Just remember, you can’t trust General Shepard.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 9.25
  
• -VICTOR: 8.75
  
• -STEVEN: 10
  

Episode Length: 51:38

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 X360
Amazon: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 PS3
Amazon: Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 PC

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Destination: Insanical Sideways Verbage!”

The eighth Hard Cast Prime gathering is finally here! Reasons for the delays range from scheduling issues, members passing out at random moments, and of course the ever-addictive Modern Warfare 2. We almost delayed the show again but we figured out a workaround. It took a gargantuan amount of effort but we love bending over backwards for you guys.

Not even the spell of eternal limpage could keep us down. We braved the wrath of the yodeling ninjas and the mayonnaise ejaculating jabberwocks. All in the hopes to savor the flavor of the newly ripened booty melons but Gertrude the Berserker knocked us to our knees and commenced her never-ending orgasmic howling. In the end nothing could hold back our unrestrained mana from thrusting forward. Reaching our destination we managed to engage critical climax in order to awaken the massive loads from our scented spunk-sacs! Thus began the long-range whippery. Achievement UNLOCKED!

What can I say? We can’t keep our hands out the “cookie jar”. Of course some of us (Steven) seem to be more interested in the “twinkie box”. We once again give the listeners the privilege and honor of being taken advantage of. Expect nothing less from The Hard Cast!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -STEVEN
• -VICTOR
• -PATRICK
• -EdDiE (?)
• -SpAnIsH (?)
  

Episode Length: 47:31

Links of Interest:
The Onion: Modern Warfare 3

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Unprotected Crystal Shards in your Crack!”

The discussion for Jim Henson’s other masterpiece is finally here and we’ve got quite a bit to say. Just the nostalgia factor alone is enough to make this movie an instant classic. So much creativity and imagination on display that it literally boggles the mind. A definite feast for the eyes. The attention to detail is absolutely astounding and the craftsmanship is through the roof.

Brian Froud’s first collaboration with Henson is a truly amazing fantastical journey to another world. An interesting story coupled with unparalleled muppetry made for a very memorable cinematic experience that still holds up pretty well even by today’s standards. The lengthy pre-production process certainly contributed a lot to the overall feeling of authenticity. Certainly one of the most hardcore fantasy movies that I’ve ever seen. It’s unfortunate that there aren’t more fantasy films of this caliber. Highly recommended to viewers of almost all ages. (Those Garthom can be a little creepy though)

If your strongest desire is to thrust your rigid crystal shard into the prophesized crack all in the name of ultimate unification then that’s a righteous cause The Hard Cast can definitely get behind!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 9
  
• -VICTOR: 8
  
• -STEVEN: 8
  

Episode Length: 40:02

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: The Dark Crystal [Blu-ray]
Amazon: The Dark Crystal (25th Anniversary Edition DVD)

 
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