Alternate Episode Title: “Daigoro is a Gangsta for Life!”

The mother of all samurai cult classic flicks! Responsible for introducing most of the western world to the incredibly violent and blood drenched world of Lone Wolf & Cub. They don’t get much more over-the-top crazy/cool then this folks. Even three decades later you’d be seriously hard-pressed to find a more entertaining slice of Japanese samurai cult cinema.

Despite the fact that this version was edited and compiled from the first two movies in the Lone Wolf & Cub series it’s actually quite coherent and even manages to improve upon the original films in a couple areas. First of all there’s quite a bit more insanely visceral carnage going on and they also replaced the soundtrack with mostly synthesizer compositions. Something that makes the music stand out a bit more in a late-night-retro-grind-house sort of way which I really dug.  The biggest improvement though would have to be the addition of Daigoro’s narration which was extremely well written and performed. If you somehow missed this one and you think samurai’s kick ass then definitely seek this DVD out. You can thank us later.

The Hard Cast is putting you on baby cart duty! Watch out for sharp vegetables and arrogant kunoichi lady ninjas who can jump out of their clothes while running backwards at incredible speeds. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 8.5
  
• -STEVEN: 9
  

Episode Length: 45:02

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Shogun Assassin DVD
Amazon: Shogun Assassin: 5 Film Collector’s Set
Amazon: Lone Wolf and Cub Box Set
Amazon: Lone Wolf & Cub Vol. 1: The Assassin’s Road

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Golpe en la Pequena China!”

We have one hell of a jam packed episode for you guys and gals out there in Internet-land. So incredibly jam packed in fact that it took multiple tries before we could get the damn thing recorded properly but I guess second time’s the charm. This also marks the first time for our newest co-host Spanish who will hopefully be a re-occurring voice on the show.

Another childhood favorite finally makes it’s way onto The Hard Cast. This movie was so epic when it came out that even unborn fetuses escaped their wombs to see it in theaters. So massively entertaining that it gave Spanish instant crabs (king crabs). An insane mash-up of high-flying martial arts, gun-play, comedy filled hi-jinks, and a whopping dose of made up Asian mythology to boot. Non-stop adventure coming at you from all angles. You just can’t help but have a good time. Definitely one of John Carpenter’s more memorable movies and Kurt Russel steals the show as the truck drivin’ shit-talkin’ over confident Jack Burton. What’s there not to love about his little slice of 80′s B-Movie heaven?

Do you think you have what it takes to stop Lo Pan from shaking the pillars of heaven? The Hard Cast is here to back you up with our Six-Demon bag of righteous justice!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 8.5
  
• -PATRICK: 8.66666666666666666666666
  
• -VICTOR: 8
• -SPANISH: 8.5
  

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Big Trouble in Little China [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Big Trouble in Little China (Single Disc Edition)

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Badass Bat should get his own Movie!”

Another episode that almost slipped through the cracks of time but has finally found the light of day. It’s nice to see the Russians finally branching off into genre territory with the likes of Nightwatch, Daywatch, and now Wolfhound. An interesting mix of fantasy elements that borrow heavily from movies like Conan and Willow. Worthy films to steal from for sure.

Definitely a valiant effort when compared to other fantasy movies that have come out in the last ten years or so. I enjoyed spending time with most of the characters (coolest bat evar!) and the atmosphere, sets, locations, and costumes all felt fairly authentic. The story was a bit on the generic side but that didn’t bother me too much and for the most part I found the CG to be acceptable if a bit overdone, especially during the climax scene. If you consider yourself a fan of the genre and you’re looking for something a little different then Wolfhound is certainly worth at least rental.

Let The Hard Cast team up with you on your quest to stop the forces of evil from opening the Celestial Gates and unleashing the darkness within. We’ll even throw in a hyper-intelligent/mult-talented bat to help turn the tide of battle.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7
  
• -PATRICK: 6
  
• -STEVEN: 7
  

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Wolfhound DVD

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Blind People can Teleport to Africa!”

An older episode that I never got around to editing till now. A movie that I really liked back in the day. Of course that was back before I knew about the greatness that is Zatoichi and that Blind Fury is basically just an American rip-off of that character. Watching it now I have to admit that the movie is pretty damn cheesy but it’s mostly the 80′s style cheese, which is my favorite kind.

Definitely one of Rutger Hauer’s more memorable roles. A decent amount of action, comedy, and plenty of corny blind-man hi-jinx abound. The sword fights and martial arts choreography is pretty simplistic by today’s standards but it gets the job done. It was also nice to see Terry O’Quinn in one of his pre-Lost roles and Randall ‘Tex’ Cobb is always a hoot. Of course we can’t forget the epic Sho Kosugi cameo either. Definitely worth a rental and maybe even a purchase since the DVD is fairly affordable these days.

If you find yourselves transported into an African jungle and surrounded by the KKK then let The Hard Cast train you in the ways of extreme fruit slicing and rock spitting.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7
  
• -VICTOR: 7
  
• -STEVEN: 7
  

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Blind Fury DVD

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Get You One!”

Gearbox’s new IP is finally here. Just in time for the holidays and guess what, it seriously kicks ass! A first person shooter with a significant amount of RPG elements. You could call it an RPS (Role-Playing-Shooter). Probably the most successful fusion of those two genres thus far. Snazzy visuals, massive assortment of firepower, and insanely fun 4 player co-op.

The first thing that jumps out at you when you see Borderlands in action are the cel shaded (hand drawn) comic book style graphics. An attempt on the developers part to stand out from the crowd and I think they managed to achieve that goal. As far as the RPG elements are concerned, there’s leveling up, 4 unique character classes, proficiency improvements, ability mods, and skill trees. There’s also a great deal of variety in the firepower that is littered throughout Pandora. The most guns (boomsticks) you’ve ever seen in any game, period!  The 4 player Co-Op is a blast and the true way this game was meant to be played. Definitely a worthy title to throw on your x-mas wish-list and one of the biggest surprise hits of the year.

Catch a ride with The Hard Cast as we go vault hunting across Pandora’s treacherous and chaos ridden wasteland. Just remember to share the loot and stay away from Scooter’s mom!

P.S. We can’t wait for the DLC coming out Nov. 24th!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 8.5
  
• -STEVEN: 8.5
  

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Borderlands X360
Amazon: Borderlands PS3
Amazon: Borderlands PC

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Deeeecaaaapiiiitaaaatiiiioooon!”

Fun characters, great dialogue, and witty humor are just simply not enough to compensate for the fairly weak gameplay. A title that many Tim Schafer fans (including myself) have been anxiously waiting for. Unfortunately, this game tries to straddle the line between a few too many play styles without being particularly good at any them. Though I do give them points for creativity and ambition.

The story, the characters, the memorable/funny dialogue, the kick-ass soundtrack and the imaginative mythology of the heavy-metal fantasy world are really the strongest elements of Brutal Legend. The voice acting is really solid too with talent from the likes of Tim Curry, Ozzy Osbourne, Lemmy Kilmister, Rob Halford, Lita Ford, and of course Jack Black. The graphics while fun/cartoony are definitely on the simplistic side so don’t go into this game expecting detailed visuals. We also found the RTS portions of the experience to be our least favorite despite it being the foundation for both the single-player campaign and the multi-player as well. A good rental if you’re fan of Tim Schafer’s work or if you’re just a hardcore heavy metal fan who’s looking for a fun little diversion. Otherwise, wait for the eventual price drop.

If you’re building an army of headbangers to release humanity from their chains of demonic bondage then sign The Hard Cast up because we’re cocked n’ loaded and ready to rock n’ roll!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7
  
• -VICTOR: 6.25
  

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Brutal Legend X360
Amazon: Brutal Legend PS3

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Don’t Underestimate Fat People!”

The triumphant return of Hong Kong’s ultra-violent martial arts cop flick! Killzone (SPL) hits with such force that it can cause instant retardation if you’re not careful. Solid story with plenty of procedural cop drama, decent acting as well as memorable characters, and of course some insanely intense fight scenes that will have you on the edge of your seat.

The cast for this movie is martial arts lover’s wet dream come true. You’ve got Donnie Yen, Wu Jing (up and comer at the time) and the legend himself, Sammo Hung. It doesn’t get much better than this especially with Donnie handling the choreography. The fights are extremely fast and brutal especially the knife vs. baton alley showdown which is amazing. The mixture of different martial art styles is also a nice change and was definitely unique at the time. Very solid acting from Simon Yam and especially Sammo Hung who just oozes menace in every scene he’s in.

Sometime the judicial system just isn’t enough to bring down the Kingpins of the world but thankfully The Hard Cast isn’t afraid of bending a few rules as long as justice is served!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 8.5
  
• -VICTOR: 8
  
• -STEVEN: 9
  

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Kill Zone DVD

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Delicious-Able Juicy Balls!”

An at home wife named Sara is alone and the doorbell rings. She opens it to a guy named Greg, “Hi, is Tony home?” The wife replies, “No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want.” So they sit down and after a while of silence Greg says “You know Sara, I bet you have some really awesome breasts. I’d be willing to give you a hundred bucks just to see them.”

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell – a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows them to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and Greg then says “That was so amazing I’ve got to see your bottom half too. I’ll give you another 100 dollars.” Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Greg a nice long chance to cop a look.

A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, “You know, your friend Greg came over.” Tony thinks about it for a second and says, “Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?”

We’re back with another mind-bendingly outrageous episode of Hard Cast Prime. Do you have the testicular fortitude to accept this massive load? Let’s find out!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -STEVEN
• -VICTOR
• -PATRICK
• -EDDIE
  

Links of Interest:
Jones’ Good Ass BBQ & Foot Massage
Jones’ Big Ass Truck Rental & Storage
Borderlands is for Real Gamers (IGN)

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Screaming like Banshees!”

Yet another 80′s cult classic has made it’s way onto DVD/Blu-Ray! Fred Dekker must be extremely happy with all the renewed interest in both Monster Squad and this movie but in the end it’s the fans that really win out. One of the more enjoyable 80′s horror/comedy B-Movies that languished for an eternity without a decent DVD release is now available.

For me personally, it’s the characters and the humor that make this movie stand out. Steve Marshall’s character (JC) really steals the show and both him and Tom Atkins (Cameron) end up with most of the best lines. Unfortunately, the Sci-fi/horror elements just aren’t all that memorable when compared to the true classics of the genre. Space slugs just don’t make very compelling antagonists and the zombie stuff is fairly pedestrian by today’s standards. The script, while creative, has a very rushed feeling to it and probably could have used a few rewrites. Despite all this NOTC is still a lot of fun and those hankerin’ for some 80′s nostalgia could definitely do a heck of a lot worse.

The space slugs are coming and The Hard Cast is handing out flamethrowers and bags of Morton Salt. So unless you like the idea of being turned into a zombie we suggest you knuckle up because it’s Miller Time!

P.S. The Blu-Ray release failed to “Thrill Me” and is only a slight upgrade over the DVD so definitely keep that in mind if you plan on purchasing this movie.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -PATRICK

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Night of the Creeps [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Night of the Creeps DVD

 
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