Alt. Ep. Title: “Birdhouse+Expendable Family = American Dream!”

Just in time for Father’s Day we have a very special two-part discussion of the 80′s cult classic The Stepfather and it’s somewhat entertaining but highly inferior sequel. Apologies for the rushed nature of the episode but we do hope you manage to gleam some minor enjoyment from our hackneyed opinions and immature conclusions. Happy Father’s Day!!!

Terry O’ Quinn’s truly inspired performance as the deranged serial-killer stepfather is all kinds of creepy and most definitely a sight to behold. Striking visuals (massacred family), memorable dialogue (“Who am I here?”), a remarkable main character (a man willing to kill for the American Dream!) and an original premise all make The Stepfather a classic of the psychological thriller genre. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the sequel. Funny dialogue/situations and another strong portrayal from O’ Quinn is not enough to cover up the lackluster writing. Not to mention the completely unnecessary desire to continue a story that already had a completely satisfactory ending.

The Hard Cast is looking for a very dangerous psychopath with a history of massacring families. Some dead giveaways are a strong fondness for birdhouses, a vehement dislike of sex before marriage, a tendency to crack open bottles over people’s heads, an addiction to demolition derby style driving when behind the wheel of a Volvo, a bad habit of whistling obscure folk songs while out on midnight strolls, and a penchant for bursting through full-length mirrors!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7.25(SF1) 6.5(SF2)
  
• -PATRICK: 7.5(SF1) 6(SF2)
  

Episode Length: 48:03

PS: We didn’t mention the remake because we hear it’s absolute rubbish!

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: The Stepfather [Blu-ray]
Amazon: The Stepfather DVD
Amazon: Stepfather II: Make Room For Daddy (DVD)

Alt. Ep. Title: “Boyka vs Dolor = The Most Complete Cockfight!”

Back in 2006 Undisputed II: Last Man Standing came out of nowhere, surprising a lot of martial arts fans and introduced many to the awesomeness that is Scott Adkins. Four years and one knee injury later Uri Boyka is back and this time he’s commandeered the leading role. Fortunately with better results than Ninja, his previous effort with director Isaac Flortentine. 

Both director Isaac Florentine and fight choreographer Larnell Stovall were awarded at this year’s Actionfest for their work on Undisputed III. Accolades that were justly deserved especially considering the budget constraints. The MMA style fights are hardcore to the max and Scott Adkins’ physical prowess has to be seen to be believed. Mark Zaror and Lateef Crowder also leave their mark as memorable opponents. Unfortunately, the same praise cannot be heaped upon the story or the acting which resides squarely in the B-Movie zone. A definite recommend for martial arts, MMA, and UFC fans!

The Hard Cast is roundin’ up the most complete prison fighters in the world! We’re looking for a shaggy haired liquid pusher, a Brazilian Tupperware champion, and a loudmouthed American that doesn’t know where to take a shit. If you don’t fall into any of these categories then all we can say is “WAH!!”

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7.25
  
• -VICTOR: 7
  
• -PATRICK: 6.5
  

Episode Length: 35:32
Undisputed III Trailer
Isaac Florentine Twitch Film Interview
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Amazon: Undisputed III: Redemption [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Undisputed III: Redemption DVD

Alt. Ep. Title: “It’s All About The Dracorum Sagoblabla…”

A joint venture from Disney and Paramount to create a more adult fantasy epic. A bit of a financial failure that later became an 80′s cult classic once it hit VHS. Harkening back to the days when fantasy movies took themselves more seriously (Dark Crystal, Willow, etc.). Dragonslayer has a lot to offer to those who can appreciate old school creature effects and archaic mysticism.

A movie that I hard time enjoying as a child, just a tad too slow for my tastes, thankfully I have since grown to appreciate some of the more subtle aspects of the production. The sense of authenticity is definitely there in the locations (Craggenmoor is an awesome wizard’s tower!), the sets, and the costumes. The characters do tend to feel believable if somewhat boring/unlikeable and in some cases underdeveloped. The requisite romance between Galen and Valerian felt overly rushed and never managed to really ring true. Of course not nearly enough can be said about Vermithrax Pejorative who has definitely got to be the most sinister/kick-ass dragon to ever grace the silver screen. Recommended to hardcore fans of ancient sorcery and mythical dragons.

The Hard Cast is out to slay the dragon, a great task indeed. We’re looking for a wily old man with a sexy beard full of food bits, a wizened sorcerer who has a penchant for snake hats and getting stabbed through the chest, a brutish centurion/bully who tends to hug wooden posts, and winy braggart of an apprentice who likes to swim with girls who dress up as men. If you are none of the above then all we can say is GO HOME!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 6.85
  
• -PATRICK: 7
  

Episode Length: 35:41

Dragonslayer Trailer

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Amazon: Dragonslayer DVD
 
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Alt. Ep. Title: “Weezing Navigators=Interstellar Entertainment!”

Yet another trip to fun-filled nostalgia island with sci-fi 80′s classic The Last Starfighter! One of the forefathers of early CGI in movies and boy does it show. Luckily for us, it also happens to contain a rather large heaping dose of fantasy fulfillment especially for the arcade gamers in the audience. Unfortunately, they just don’t make family flicks like this anymore.

If you manage to overlook the outdated computer graphics there’s still more than plenty to enjoy. The story is full of humor, heart, and some fairly memorable lines. The characters are likable and fun to watch on screen, most especially Grig (Dan O’Herlihy) and Centauri (Robert Preston). The ship designs are unique and well thought out. Alex Rogan’s Gunstar being the obvious standout with a noticeably higher polygon count. Not to mention a really epic soundtrack from Craig Safan that tends to warm the cockles of one’s heart. Definitely recommended to old-school gamers and sci-fi geeks alike!

The Hard Cast is recruiting for the newly re-formed Star League and we’re looking for the truly dedicated high-scorers as well as the hardcore quarter-pounders! If you think you can put up with asthmatic lizard navigators and you don’t mind a beta unit getting frisky with your girl than maybe you’re worthy of your very own Gunstar. Just remember that Death Blossom is a weapon of last resort!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7.5
  
• -VICTOR: 7.5
  
• -SPANISH: 7.BUENO!
  

Episode Length: 43:03

The Last Starfighter Trailer

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Amazon: The Last Starfighter DVD
Amazon: The Last Starfighter [Blu-ray]

Alt. Ep. Title: “Dan the Handyman vs. Cleel the Warlord!”

Another Terry Marcel/Harry Robertson masterpiece from the 80′s! A title that has a great deal of nostalgia for us having thoroughly worn out the VHS tape back in the day. An extremely cheesy/low-budget but very fun and imaginative made for cable television movie that is even less well known than the vastly inferior but definitely memorable Hawk the Slayer.

If you can look past the B-Movie trappings, lack of budget, and shoddy effects there is actually a lot to enjoy in POTLU. The characters are likable/quirky and the dialogue is fairly entertaining. Richard Hatch and John Saxon are especially memorable and really own their roles as Dan the Handman/Kendo Champion and Cleel the Warlord. Kay Lenz’s performance manages to make an otherwise very annoying female character somewhat bearable. Peter O’Farrel and Ray Charleson are reunited once again and play similar roles to the ones they had HTS. Harry Robertson is also back and provides a rip-roaringly energetic soundtrack that enhances the whole experience. For all these reasons and more, POTLU is a movie that is much more fun than it has any right to be!

The Hard Cast will soon be traversing the unknown worlds beyond our own dimension and is looking for brave souls to tag along. Proficiency in the art of kendo is highly recommended as well as the ability to “Run Like Hell!” It’s also important that you bring the necessary items such as the Roebuck Grappling Hook, a Greenman Pod Rifle, and a watch that warns its wearer when there is a thief about.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 6.5
  
• -PATRICK: 7
  

Episode Length: 47:12

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Amazon: Star Odyssey/Prisoners of the Lost Universe

Amazon: Prisoners Of The Lost Universe

Alt. Episode Title: “The Power of Collision Course Charlie!”

Grab hold of your jiggling multi-colored alien eggs because it’s a special Easter Sunday extravaganza episode! How can you resist a back-to-back double-dosage of good old 80′s cheese? A fun little trip to the nostalgia zone in the form of an appetizing review and discussion of the first two Critters movies (purposely ignoring 3 and 4 for good reason).   

Often unfairly compared to Gremlins, the original Critters actually has a lot to offer as far entertainment value is concerned. Memorable lines, kick-ass extraterrestrial bounty hunters, fun creature effects courtesy of the Chiodo Brothers, and a rat tail sporting Billy Zane. While the sequel is definitely inferior it also has it’s fair share of moments. The Playboy playmate transformation sequence being particularly memorable during my hormone-raging formative years. Recommended to 80′s Old-Schoolers and fans of maniacal pint-sized alien carnivores!

Johnny Steele and The Hard Cast need your assistance in exterminating the residual remnants of the Crite infestation. Viable weapon choices include: highly-inaccurate space cannons, edible home-made firecrackers, double-barreled shotguns with very limited ammunition, falling ceiling fans, camouflaged TNT laced hamburger meat, and kamikaze space ships. Always be aware of your surroundings to avoid ambushes and remember to check the toilet!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7.25 (C1) 6.85 (C2)
  
• -VICTOR: 7.5 (C1) 6.4 (C2)
  
• -SPANISH: 7 (C1) 6.9 (C2)
  

Episode Length: 49:23

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Critters DVD
Amazon: Critters 2 – The Main Course DVD

Critters Trailer
Critters 2 Trailer

Alternate Ep. Title: “Time-Traveling Cock Blockage is for Squids!”

Charles Band’s Trancers seems to be heavily influenced from the likes of Blade Runner, The Terminator, and zombie movies but smeared in a thick B-Movie coating. Unfortunately, the lack of a budget, time, capable writers, and resources are all very apparent. Luckily Tim Thomerson, Helen Hunt, and Art LeFleur manage to elevate the movie slightly above complete obscurity.

The protagonist of Jack Deth is a gruff/no-nonsense Marlowe-esque character. Tim Thomerson dives in head first managing to play the role with gusto and intensity. Thomerson’s performance, crazy one-liners, and exaggerated reactions are the biggest sources of entertainment. Confusing writing, storyline gaps, huge leaps of faith, misleading cover art and a very forgettable/boring villain in the form of Michael Stefani’s Whistler. Not to mention an extremely short running time of 76 minutes. The time traveling mechanic was handled in a somewhat creative way but really wasn’t particularly well thought out. One can an only imagine that the sequels get progressively worse.

The Hard Cast Council is looking for able-bodied troopers to send down the line. Before we start handing out Long Second Watches you better be sure you have what it takes to singe some Trancers along with the occasional rabid orangutan. If you think you do then be prepared to grease up that head because “Dry hair is for squids!”

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 6
  
• -PATRICK: 5
  

Episode Length: 39:00

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Trancers DVD
Amazon: Trancers – The Definitive Collection

Trancers Trailer

PS: I wish the movie had been about the guy in the poster art…

Alternate Episode Title: “Hulk’s Blood = Ultimate Fertilizer!”

Our first review/discussion on one of Marvel’s comic book DTV feature-length animated movies. It just so happens to also be the best one released thus far. Planet Hulk was a great comic series and while it’s animated adaptation is watered down both in terms of story and artistic quality it still provides a smashingly good time and manages to be pretty damn entertaining to boot.

The Hulk is in rare form for his second animated film, with a lot more lines of dialogue and some actual character development. The green giant is much more fleshed out and his interactions with other characters don’t always end with brutal violence this time around, although there is more than enough carnage to keep things interesting. The confrontation with Beta Ray Bill being one of the more memorable action scenes. There’s also some decent side characters to move the story along such as the adorably-amusing insectoid Miek, the power-hungry Red King, the savagely-equine Beta Ray Bill and the honorably-righteous Caiera. One can only hope that deservingly solid sales of Planet Hulk will urge Lionsgate to begin production on World War Hulk, this time with a larger animation budget and a grittier art style that’s more akin to the source material. Highly recommended to comic book fans!

The Hard Cast is forming a brotherhood of Warbound warriors who can stare death in the eyes and stand their ground. One thing to remember though, not every confrontation has to end in bloodshed. As Miek would say sometimes it’s better to be a hider than a fighter especially if you’re up against a mutant Mr. Ed on steroids.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7.5
  
• -PATRICK: 7
  

Episode Length: 33:23

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Planet Hulk [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Planet Hulk (Two Disc Special Edition DVD)
Amazon: Planet Hulk DVD

Planet Hulk HD Trailer

Alt. Ep. Title: “Eggplant Sicilians, Cantaloupe Wiggers, and Elvis!”

One of my all time favorite QT movies gets The Hard Cast treatment for Valentine’s Day! The ensemble cast to end all ensemble casts. Definitely some of the best performances you’ll ever see from all the actors involved and some outrageously cool dialogue. Not to mention all the memorable and over-the-top characters that seem like stereotypes but somehow manage to come across as unique.

Tony Scott’s flashy and bombastic style gels surprisingly well with QT’s script. The story comes at you in a very rapid fire pace but still keeps you right in the thick of things. It’s amazing that despite the fairly short screen time that a lot of the characters have that they still succeed in making their mark. That truly is a testament to the insane amounts of talent that was involved in all facets of the production. Special mention also has to be made for Hans Zimmer’s unique musical score. A delightfully pleasant theme song that seeps into your core and just brightens the whole experience. Highly recommended!

Valentine’s Day Tips from The Hard Cast:

1. Lady’s should always let their guys know if they have pimp. If you try and keep something like this from your man than you’re just a common WHORE!

2. Guy’s should not leave their driver’s licenses at a whorehouse. Doing so can end up costing you a lot more than the fee for a replacement license.

3. Women don’t really want chocolate or flowers, they find it much more romantic if you kill their pimp and bring home a suitcase full of cocaine.

4. Guys probably shouldn’t let their Valentines know that they secretly want to fuck Elvis. Even though he is sexier than Val Kilmer in a gold suit and Sonny Chiba in a triple feature combined.

5. It’s probably best not to lie to a Sicilian or call him an eggplant. This is actually pretty good advice for any day of the year.

We here at The Hard Cast hope you really enjoy the hell out of your VD!

PS: Relax, it’s suppose to burn when you pee.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 9
  
• -VICTOR: 9.2
• -SPANISH: 8.7
• -PATRICK: 8

Episode Length: 36:35

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: True Romance [Blu-ray]
Amazon: True Romance (Two-Disc Special Edition DVD)

Alt. Ep. Title: “Bootleg Michael Cera VS. Twinkie Clown Zombies!”

Zombie movies are definitely in and this movie is one of the most entertaining releases to come out in the genre. The mix between horror, comedy, and action is a welcome change and hasn’t been done this well since Shaun of the Dead. It’s nice to see that movie going audiences still appreciate R rated flicks. Certainly one of the bigger surprise hits of 2009.

Woody Harrelson as the overly aggressive redneck zombie killer known as Tallahassee steals almost every scene he’s in and has a lot of the best lines. Jesse Eisenberg gets the job done as the stereotypical Jew nerd but seems to be channeling Michael Cera for most of his scenes. Unfortunately Emma Stone is not used to her full comedic potential but there’s always hope for the sequel. Of course the Bill Murray cameo is epic and one of the highlights of the movie. Highly recommended to both zombie fans as well as fans of comedies in general. Not to be missed!

It’s desperate times out there! The Hard Cast and Bill Murray are looking for zombie killers who are capable of obeying “The Rules” because it’s time to “Nut Up of Shut Up!” If you think you can handle that then just maybe there’s a Twinkie in it for ya. Otherwise you can hang back with the other clowns!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 8
  
• -VICTOR: 8
  
• -SPANISH: 8
  

Episode Length: 35:00

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Zombieland [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Zombieland DVD

Alternate Ep. Title: “Eight @#$%ing Days of Dolph!”

A movie that every self-proclaimed Dolph Lundgren fan should definitely have in their collection. Dark Angel (I Come in Peace) has it all with the over-the-top action, the abundant laughs, fun/memorable characters, and drug dealing aliens with laryngitis. I mean really, what more could you ask for from an early 90′s sci-fi B-Movie blockbuster?!  

There’s lots to like about this flick especially the strong chemistry between the protagonists Jack Caine and Laurence Smith. The personality clashes between the uptight by-the-book FBI agent and the gung-ho rebellious police detective are always a hoot n’ half. Of course you can’t forget all the witty one-liners and the constant stream of random explosions. I also have to say that Matthias Hues makes quite the imposing alien even if he doesn’t really seem to understand the meaning of the words “I Come in Peace.” Unfortunately, they just don’t make them like this anymore.

Alien drug dealers are on their way to Earth to harvest the insanely-massive amounts of endorphins that are produced in a human’s brain after listening to an episode of The Hard Cast! They won’t arrive for eight fucking days which is more than a week. Plenty of time for Jack Caine and Laurence Smith to be cocked n’ loaded!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7.5
  
• -LUIZ: 7.5
  

Episode Length: 33:20

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Amazon UK: Dark Angel (I Come in Peace) DVD
 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Voltan: Slayer of the Loaf!”

Probably one the most notoriously bad fantasy B-Movies of all time. They don’t get much more unintentionally hilarious than this one folks. Jack Palance’s performance as Voltan is insanely awful and actually manages to stand out amongst all the other really bad acting. The other big standout would be the soundtrack which seems to be a crazy fusion of disco and orchestral.

If Terry Marcel and Harry Robertson were shooting for a super generic fantasy when they wrote Hawk the Slayer then they most definitely achieved their goal. Almost zero back story for any of the characters and hardly any plot other than your standard good vs. evil stuff along with with some vanilla flavored revenge tale. They didn’t even bother to name the land/country/world that the movie takes place in let alone explaining the different types of magic and/or religions. The artwork used for the movie’s poster is actually much more interesting to look at and also happens to have a more compelling story than the movie it’s meant to promote. Let us hope and pray that the sequel fares better. Watch at your own risk…

The Hard Cast is forming a merry band of heroes and adventurers in order to embark on a quest of utmost importance. So drop that 100-sided die and put away your 4th edition D&D handbook. We must locate the lair of the legendary Terry Marcel and slay the foul beast before he can unleash another unholy abomination as wretched as the infamous Hawk the Slayer!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 5.5
  
• -PATRICK: 5
  

Episode Length: 32:21

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Hawk The Slayer DVD
Hawk the Slayer Soundtrack

Alternate Ep. Title: “No Matter Where You Go There’s Big BooTe!”

The 80′s sci-fi cult classic starring Peter Weller as a physicist-neurosurgeon-samurai-rock musician-jet car driver-comic book hero who goes by the rather incomparable name of Buckaroo Banzai. One of those flicks that’s not very easy to describe but still quite enjoyable to experience with all its considerable charm and oddball humor. Not to mention the fun characters and solid cast.

Very fun, off the wall performances from John Lithgow and Christopher Lloyd as the evil red lectroids. Nice little turns from Jeff Goldblum, Clancy Brown, and the late Vincent Schiavelli. Some interesting alien ship designs that resemble coral or other forms of sea life that added to the overall originality of the movie along with the memorable/quirky dialogue. The story does tend to go off in too many directions at the same time without waiting for the audience to catch up but that doesn’t keep it from being both unique and entertaining.

The Hard Cast is seeking fresh recruits to join the ranks of the Hong Kong Cavaliers. So if you think you can hang with the likes of Perfect Tommy and Rawhide then hop into our modified jet car. We’re heading for the Banzai Institute and we know a little shortcut that just happens to be across the eighth dimension!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7
  
• -VICTOR: 6.789
  
• -LUIS: 7
  

Episode Length: 28:40

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension DVD
Amazon: Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai : Across the Eighth Dimension (Book)

Alternate Episode Title: “Dances with Wolves Balls Deep in Space!”

James Cameron’s technological marvel is finally out and we’re here to throw in our two cents! Lots of varied opinions/impressions being tossed around but there are a few nuggets of insight to be found amidst the maelstrom of auditory chaos. This episode also marks the debut of our newest member, Marlon, who sounds like he’s channeling Barry White for this discussion.

An amazing visual tour de force, Avatar has a lot going for it and plenty of brand-spanking-new technology to back it up. Awe-inspiring attention to detail would be one way to describe the lush jungle environments and the imaginative creatures that inhabit the perilous world of Pandora. Unfortunately, the same level of praise cannot be bestowed upon the narrative. Clunky dialogue, one dimensional characters, and gaping plot holes abound. It’s a shame that so much of the story had to be dumbed down in order to appeal to a wider audience. Despite all this, Avatar is still a hell of a 3D thrill ride (especially for younger audience members) and is not to be missed on the big screen.

The Navi are waiting for their paraplegic messiah and if you think you have what it takes to fill that wheelchair then The Hard Cast is here to let you know that Avatar is more than just a Fern Gully ripoff with mechs!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 8
  
• -VICTOR: 8
  
• -STEVEN: 10
• -PATRICK: 8
• -SPANISH: 6.5
• -MARLON: 7.5
  

Episode Length: 60:50

Links of Interest:
Team Avatar: World Police

Alternate Episode Title: “Retardo Robot Castration!”

A little 90′s sci-fi cult flick gets some attention from The Hard Cast. A title that slipped past a lot of people back in the day but is now available on both DVD and Blu-Ray thanks to the fine folks at Severin. Unfairly compared to such classic films as The Terminator. Hardware actually has a quite a few things going for it even despite it’s minuscule budget.

The idea of having a killer robot that can repair itself and run on almost any type of energy is actually pretty cool. Solid cinematography, decent acting for the most part, a standout soundtrack, and an interesting world that reminded me of Mad Max mixed with some cyberpunk elements. While I would have liked a higher body count they did manage a couple over-the-top death scenes with a decent amount of blood/gore. The design of the genocidal robot was fairly unique and it’s too bad that we probably won’t ever get to see the Mark 13 again since a sequel seems unlikely at this point. If you’re a fan of underground sci-fi B-Movies then you’ll probably get a mega-jolt out of Hardware.

Angry Bob and The Hard Cast need your help in uncovering the conspiracy involving the Mark 13 project and the government’s plans to slaughter mankind, all in the name of population control. If the people in charge get their way then “No Flesh Shall Be Spared“!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7
  
• -PATRICK: 6.866666666666666666666666666
  
• -SPANISH: 7
  

PS: Due to technical difficulties Spanish’s audio may sound a little garbled at times but I guess it’s only fitting that he comes across sounding like a robot albeit it a very lazy and unproductive one.

Episode Length: 49:22

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Hardware (Blu-ray)
Amazon: Hardware (2-Disc Limited Edition DVD)

Alternate Ep. Title: “Waa-Douchbags Beware the Mighty Hawaiian!”

One of the key Hard Cast titles that we finally got to sit down, discuss/review, and actually record! Another hidden gem that’s definitely a step up from the competition (*cough* rUSH hOUR). A movie that deserved to be seen by the masses but has unfortunately been relegated to relative obscurity but we’re here to do our part about getting the word out!

Amazingly visceral fight scenes, laugh out loud humor, great character chemistry, and fun/memorable villains. Probably the best fight choreography seen in an American martial arts movie even to this day. All of which was expertly executed by Mark Dacascos and Koichi Sakamoto’s talented stunt crew. Vic Madison, Hedgehog, and Kato (advanced model) make for some really great villains with their non-stop persistence. Kadeem Hardison definitely brings the humor and it’s a shame that his career didn’t take off. Unfortunately, Brittany Murphy has yet to replicate a performance as  fun/unpredictable as the one she gives in this flick. A movie certainly worth tracking down by any means necessary. Steve Wang’s Drive is a must see!

The Hard Cast is about to kick its karaoke skillz into Over-Drive but first we need your help. Vic and Hedgehog are hot on our trails and we need to catch a ride to Los Angeles before the advanced model gives us a cheap death!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 9
  
• -VICTOR: 9.5
  
• -STEVEN: 10
  

Episode Length: 32:57

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:
Amazon: Drive (DC) DVD
 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Unprotected Crystal Shards in your Crack!”

The discussion for Jim Henson’s other masterpiece is finally here and we’ve got quite a bit to say. Just the nostalgia factor alone is enough to make this movie an instant classic. So much creativity and imagination on display that it literally boggles the mind. A definite feast for the eyes. The attention to detail is absolutely astounding and the craftsmanship is through the roof.

Brian Froud’s first collaboration with Henson is a truly amazing fantastical journey to another world. An interesting story coupled with unparalleled muppetry made for a very memorable cinematic experience that still holds up pretty well even by today’s standards. The lengthy pre-production process certainly contributed a lot to the overall feeling of authenticity. Certainly one of the most hardcore fantasy movies that I’ve ever seen. It’s unfortunate that there aren’t more fantasy films of this caliber. Highly recommended to viewers of almost all ages. (Those Garthom can be a little creepy though)

If your strongest desire is to thrust your rigid crystal shard into the prophesized crack all in the name of ultimate unification then that’s a righteous cause The Hard Cast can definitely get behind!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 9
  
• -VICTOR: 8
  
• -STEVEN: 8
  

Episode Length: 40:02

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: The Dark Crystal [Blu-ray]
Amazon: The Dark Crystal (25th Anniversary Edition DVD)

Alternate Episode Title: “Golpe en la Pequena China!”

We have one hell of a jam packed episode for you guys and gals out there in Internet-land. So incredibly jam packed in fact that it took multiple tries before we could get the damn thing recorded properly but I guess second time’s the charm. This also marks the first time for our newest co-host Spanish who will hopefully be a re-occurring voice on the show.

Another childhood favorite finally makes it’s way onto The Hard Cast. This movie was so epic when it came out that even unborn fetuses escaped their wombs to see it in theaters. So massively entertaining that it gave Spanish instant crabs (king crabs). An insane mash-up of high-flying martial arts, gun-play, comedy filled hi-jinks, and a whopping dose of made up Asian mythology to boot. Non-stop adventure coming at you from all angles. You just can’t help but have a good time. Definitely one of John Carpenter’s more memorable movies and Kurt Russel steals the show as the truck drivin’ shit-talkin’ over confident Jack Burton. What’s there not to love about his little slice of 80′s B-Movie heaven?

Do you think you have what it takes to stop Lo Pan from shaking the pillars of heaven? The Hard Cast is here to back you up with our Six-Demon bag of righteous justice!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 8.5
  
• -PATRICK: 8.66666666666666666666666
  
• -VICTOR: 8
• -SPANISH: 8.5
  

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Big Trouble in Little China [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Big Trouble in Little China (Single Disc Edition)

Alternate Episode Title: “Badass Bat should get his own Movie!”

Another episode that almost slipped through the cracks of time but has finally found the light of day. It’s nice to see the Russians finally branching off into genre territory with the likes of Nightwatch, Daywatch, and now Wolfhound. An interesting mix of fantasy elements that borrow heavily from movies like Conan and Willow. Worthy films to steal from for sure.

Definitely a valiant effort when compared to other fantasy movies that have come out in the last ten years or so. I enjoyed spending time with most of the characters (coolest bat evar!) and the atmosphere, sets, locations, and costumes all felt fairly authentic. The story was a bit on the generic side but that didn’t bother me too much and for the most part I found the CG to be acceptable if a bit overdone, especially during the climax scene. If you consider yourself a fan of the genre and you’re looking for something a little different then Wolfhound is certainly worth at least rental.

Let The Hard Cast team up with you on your quest to stop the forces of evil from opening the Celestial Gates and unleashing the darkness within. We’ll even throw in a hyper-intelligent/mult-talented bat to help turn the tide of battle.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7
  
• -PATRICK: 6
  
• -STEVEN: 7
  

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Wolfhound DVD

Alternate Episode Title: “Blind People can Teleport to Africa!”

An older episode that I never got around to editing till now. A movie that I really liked back in the day. Of course that was back before I knew about the greatness that is Zatoichi and that Blind Fury is basically just an American rip-off of that character. Watching it now I have to admit that the movie is pretty damn cheesy but it’s mostly the 80′s style cheese, which is my favorite kind.

Definitely one of Rutger Hauer’s more memorable roles. A decent amount of action, comedy, and plenty of corny blind-man hi-jinx abound. The sword fights and martial arts choreography is pretty simplistic by today’s standards but it gets the job done. It was also nice to see Terry O’Quinn in one of his pre-Lost roles and Randall ‘Tex’ Cobb is always a hoot. Of course we can’t forget the epic Sho Kosugi cameo either. Definitely worth a rental and maybe even a purchase since the DVD is fairly affordable these days.

If you find yourselves transported into an African jungle and surrounded by the KKK then let The Hard Cast train you in the ways of extreme fruit slicing and rock spitting.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS: 7
  
• -VICTOR: 7
  
• -STEVEN: 7
  

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Blind Fury DVD

Alternate Episode Title: “Screaming like Banshees!”

Yet another 80′s cult classic has made it’s way onto DVD/Blu-Ray! Fred Dekker must be extremely happy with all the renewed interest in both Monster Squad and this movie but in the end it’s the fans that really win out. One of the more enjoyable 80′s horror/comedy B-Movies that languished for an eternity without a decent DVD release is now available.

For me personally, it’s the characters and the humor that make this movie stand out. Steve Marshall’s character (JC) really steals the show and both him and Tom Atkins (Cameron) end up with most of the best lines. Unfortunately, the Sci-fi/horror elements just aren’t all that memorable when compared to the true classics of the genre. Space slugs just don’t make very compelling antagonists and the zombie stuff is fairly pedestrian by today’s standards. The script, while creative, has a very rushed feeling to it and probably could have used a few rewrites. Despite all this NOTC is still a lot of fun and those hankerin’ for some 80′s nostalgia could definitely do a heck of a lot worse.

The space slugs are coming and The Hard Cast is handing out flamethrowers and bags of Morton Salt. So unless you like the idea of being turned into a zombie we suggest you knuckle up because it’s Miller Time!

P.S. The Blu-Ray release failed to “Thrill Me” and is only a slight upgrade over the DVD so definitely keep that in mind if you plan on purchasing this movie.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -PATRICK

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Night of the Creeps [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Night of the Creeps DVD

Alternate Episode Title: “Unloading the Candy Sack!”

A double dosage Halloween Extravaganza! We definitely need to cover more horror movies and what better time to discuss them than during All Hallow’s Eve. We decided to do two newer movies that were released in the month of October, some good rental material to watch while curled up on the sofa with a loved one (if you’re lucky enough to have someone).

We started with Trick R’ Treat which is an anthology of interconnected stories that perfectly capture the essence of what makes Halloween such a special time of the year. Despite the low budget, this movie does a great job with atmosphere and locations. Most of the SFX are practical instead of CG which was the right way to go because everything looks authentic and will hold up very well in the years to come.

Drag Me to Hell is Sam Raimi’s attempt to return to his horror roots. A solid premise with lots of supernatural elements. The movie has plenty of intense scenes that alternate between scares and laughs. They also manage to really push the limits of the PG-13 rating. Unfortunately, most of the actors react unrealistically to their situations and the main relationship never quite rings true. Even though it never reaches the entertainment value of either Evil Dead II or Army of Darkness it’s still a fun ride.

The Hard Cast is here to get the festivities started! Let us remind you of what the true meaning of Halloween is and how to follow the rules. Not everything that people give you should go into your mouth.  Oh and remember that Charlie Brown is an asshole!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -PATRICK

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Trick ‘r Treat [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Trick ‘r Treat DVD
Amazon: Drag Me to Hell [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Drag Me to Hell DVD

Alternate Episode Title: “Extreme Water Mingling!”

A flop back during its theatrical release in ’84, Dune has since found its fair share of fans and become a bit of a sci-fi cult classic. I know it definitely had a big effect on me back when I was a kid. The visuals and the world within this movie have always stayed with me. I’ve always wondered how David Lynch’s career would have turned out if Dune had been a financial success at the box office.

One thing that has always blown me away about this film is the attention to detail. The sets, costumes, machinery, weapons, vehicles, and sound design are all incredibly unique and interesting. All of it really lends a sense of mystique and a strong aura of the exotic.  Some of casting choices are truly inspired and I found most of the performances to be solid and memorable. It’s too bad we will probably never be treated to an actual director’s cut of this film. One can only imagine how epic that would have been.

If you’re ready to take up the Fremen cause and ride into battle on a giant sandworm then let The Hard Cast supply you with the best thumpers and don’t forget about the water of life, the ultimate energy drink in the known universe!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -STEVEN
• -VICTOR

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Dune (Widescreen DVD)
Amazon: Dune (Extended Edition DVD)

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Explosive Plants FTW!”

A 90′s sci-fi action flick that was overlooked by the masses. Soldier definitely has a lot going for it, an interesting take on the future of warfare, a solid cast led by Kurt Russel, above average artistic vision, memorable lines, and well thought out action sequences that keep you on the edge of your seat. I don’t know what movie-going audiences expected back in ’98 but Soldier delivers in a big way.

As much as I like all the components that came together for this film, for me personally, Kurt Russel’s performance as Sgt. Todd is what really anchors the whole experience. Despite being over ten years old this movie still holds up pretty well even by today’s standards (other than some weak CG in a couple scenes). If you haven’t had the visceral pleasure of watching this movie then we definitely recommend you check out Soldier.

The Hard Cast is on a collision course with your ears and if you can’t pick up what we’re putting down then maybe you need to reevaluate your standards for movies because they just may be obsolete.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -STEVEN
• -VICTOR

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Soldier DVD

Alternate Episode Title: “Your Mother is a Friggin’ Aardvark!”

A childhood favorite of both my brother and I. It was my pleasure to introduce this classic to the rest of the crew and from all accounts they had a fantastically-dreamlike experience. Even David Bowie’s massively bulging crotch couldn’t wipe the smiles from our faces and in Steven’s case it just made him smile even harder. It really is unfortunate that Jim Henson is no longer with us.

You’d be hard pressed to find another film with this much imagination, creativity, and craftsmanship constantly being thrown at the screen, with the exception of The Dark Crystal of course. I don’t know what Jim Henson and Terry Jones were smoking when they were writing Labyrinth but whatever it was I wish more filmmakers nowadays would take a few puffs. Even to this day the characters, situations, and dialogue are so off the wall, unpredictable, and memorable that it boggles the mind. Despite all this, the story still manages to stay very grounded in common themes that the audience can always follow.

When it gets right down to it, Labyrinth is just an incredibly fun and entertaining movie that can be enjoyed by all ages. So if you think you’re ready to make your way to the goblin castle at the center of the Labyrinth then let The Hard Cast help you unleash your inner child.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -STEVEN
• -VICTOR
• -PATRICK
  

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Labyrinth [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Labyrinth (Anniversary Edition DVD)

 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Moorwen vs. Care Bear Stare!”

You may have quickly glanced at this title at your local Blockbuster or Best Buy and thought to yourself “yet another straight to DVD B-Movie that’s not worth my time.” Nothing could be further from the truth. Outlander is a very solid genre flick that deserves to be viewed by anyone who can appreciate an adventure filled sci-fi romp with likable characters and lots of action. Not to mention decent SFX, memorable performances, and a great story that also happens to be my favorite interpretation of the Beowulf tale thus far.

Originally slated be one of our first episodes, scheduling issues and general laziness kept getting in the way. Somehow it still managed to be a pretty fun show despite it being poorly-edited and long overdue. The long awaited Outlander review is finally here!

If you’ve got a photo-luminescent creature harassing your village then let The Hard Cast hand craft you a mighty sword made from the finest space metal in the universe!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -STEVEN
• -VICTOR
• -PATRICK
• -EDDIE

P.S. Listen to the very end of the podcast for a little treat. Hint: We Care-A-Lot about our listeners!

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Outlander DVD
Amazon: Outlander (Blu-Ray)


 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Budokai your Burst Limit!”

A missed opportunity to cash in on the incredibly popular Dragonball franchise. Evolution is nothing but a disappointment in pretty much every way. Poor acting, laughable characters, boring action, and an incredibly inaccurate story that shits all over the fans (Kamehameha Defibrillator). Not even cute girls, Chow Yun-Fat, and Ernie Hudson could save this train wreck of a movie.

It’s clear that the creators had little to no respect for the Dragonball series as a whole. Honestly, it’s almost so bad that it’s good, but not quite. Snorting some Tenkaichi would probably improve your chances of actually getting some enjoyment out of Dragonball Evolution but we can’t make any promises.

If you’re wondering what happened to Chow Yun-Fat’s career than let The Hard Cast clue you in. Unfortunately, I don’t think you’re going to like the answer.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -STEVEN
• -VICTOR
• -EDDIE
• -PATRICK
  

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Dragonball: Evolution [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Dragonball: Evolution DVD

Alternate Episode Title: “His Head Popped like a Melon!”

A sub-species of aberrant humans with the capacity for incredible mental powers are living among us. These people are only now realizing their full potential sometimes with literally mind-blowing results. The most deadly scanner is on the rampage and armed with ambitions for world domination. The authorities soon decide that it’s time to fight fire with fire.

An interesting film with a few neat ideas and some memorable moments especially that devastating finale. Scanners is probably one of Cronenberg’s more well known titles if only for its premise alone which is quite unique and hasn’t really been explored since. Not to mention Michael Ironside acquits himself very well as the heavy.  It really is too bad that there weren’t more scenes with him especially with such an uncharasmatic protagonist hogging all the screen time. Unfortunately the film is also marred by bad acting and poorly staged action sequences. These alone are not enough to bring the film down but do much to keep Scanners from achieving anything other than cult status in my book.

If you’re ready to sharpen your mental prowess and harness those untapped abilities then let The Hard Cast show you the way.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -PATRICK

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:
Amazon: Scanners DVD

Alternate Episode Title: “Guns, Guns, Guns!”

Mindless action at its best! If you don’t mind your movies light on story and character development but heavy on over-the-top violence then this is the title for you. There’s enough blood, guts, and exploding heads to satisfy even the most jaded action junkies palette. The penchant for mayhem is off the charts and did I mention that there’s enough guns in this movie to take over a third world country!

Ray Stevenson gives a solemn, respectful, and professional performance as the damned Frank Castle and manages to physically dominate the role quite well. Dominic West and Doug Hutchison are inspired casting choices as the villains. Those two rip into their characters with demented glee and it’s hard to imagine the audience having as much fun watching this duo as they had playing their parts. It was certainly nice to see some good old-fashioned baddies tearing up the screen for a change.

It’s unfortunate Punisher: Warzone didn’t get the attention it deserved. In my eyes it is definitely the most entertaining film in the series thus far and will be hard to top if there are any future installments.

If you think it’s time to execute your own brand of vigilante justice upon the scum of society then The Hard Cast is here to supply the arsenal.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -STEVEN
• -VICTOR

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:
Amazon: Punisher: War Zone [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Punisher: War Zone (Two-Disc SE) DVD
Amazon: Punisher: War Zone DVD

Alternate Episode Title: “What are you doing?!”

A little 80′s cult flick starring Pierce Brosnan in one of his earlier roles. A haunting tale of mischievous demons who just want to be left alone so they can wreak havoc in peace but Brosnan, being the overly curious soul that he is, decides to study them. What follows is a waking nightmare with nary an end in sight.

An awesomely creepy premise is brought down a few notches by inconsistent character behavior and weak acting. Worth checking out if you’re a fan of the genre and don’t mind the strong 80′s vibe (Adam Ant’s in the movie and Ted Nugent was involved with the soundtrack).

If you think you’re being stalked by a gang of demons then The Hard Cast has some friendly advice: never stop running and whatever you do don’t look back!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -PATRICK

If you want to know more about Inuit legends/myths then check out the following websites:

Legend of Nomads
Inuit Myths

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:
Amazon: Nomads DVD
 
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Alternate Episode Title: “Glove vs. Miller=F*CK ME!”

Paul W.S. Anderson gets a lot of flack for being very much a style over substance director. As far the creative design and the visuals are concerned this movie is definitely his most mature. The cinematography, lighting, and set design throughout the film are all top notch and do much to enhance the creepy atmosphere/vibe. The model work for the ships is amazing and it makes me shed a tear that modern day movies very rarely make use of this craft anymore.

The premise of Event Horizon certainly had a great deal of potential. A ship that can generate a miniature black hole in order to travel instantaneously from one point in the universe to another but in doing so opens a gateway into another dimension. A dimension of pure chaos and pure evil. The movie gives you just enough to whet your appetite but you can’t help but want to know more. Unfortunately there just isn’t anymore to know.

If you were to break EH down into its core components it’s basically your classic haunted house setup. The main differences being the setting and the characters. However I don’t think that most sci-fi/horror fans will care too much about that because they’ll be too damn busy enjoying the ride to notice.

So if you think you’re ready to mount a suicidal rescue operation near the outer reaches of Neptune and you need the best then what are you waiting for? Just give the order. The Hard Cast is always up for the job!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -STEVEN
• -VICTOR

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Event Horizon (Two-Disc Special Edition) DVD
Amazon: Event Horizon [Blu-ray]

Alternate Episode Title: “Crocodile Rock!”

An overlooked gem of the survival man-eater genre. Maybe not as much fun as Alligator but definitely better than Primevil (although I do like that title) and Lake Placid. Both Luis and I appreciated the realistic take on the genre and for the SFX. The lack of over-the-top fake CGI really helped sell the killer croc (animatronics kick ass!) and there was just the right amount of gore to keep me satiated. The only negatives I might have had was that almost all of the characters were fairly unmemorable and the overall story was somewhat too simplistic for my tastes but that’s just me being nit picky. You owe it to yourself to check this one out.

Take a listen if you plan on venturing into the crocodile’s lair but be warned this one’s a ROGUE!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -LUIS

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Rogue – Unrated DVD

My Podcast Alley feed! {pca-eb70c6fa734d8df97ec4a6cd824a4da7}
 
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Alternate Episode Title: “BahWeepGranahWeepNinniBong, Bitches!”

A blast from the past! The nostalgia factor is through the roof on this title. I’m obviously a bit biased when it comes to this movie but Steven helped keep my fanboyness in check during this discussion but hey what can I say Optimus makes me moist.

If you feel like crackin’ open that autobot matrix of leadership then activate your auditory sensors and take a listen. TILL ALL ARE ONE!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -STEVEN

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:
Amazon: The Transformers – The Movie (20th Anniversary Special Edition)
Amazon: Transformers: The Complete First Season (25th Anniversary Edition)
Amazon: Transformers: Season Two, Volume 1 (25th Anniversary Edition)
Amazon: Transformers: The Movie Soundtrack

Alternate Episode Title: “Be-low me!”

Like a bunch of treasure hunters we dive into the murky depths to unearth this gem of the deep. Ignored by many cherished by the proud few who have gazed through it’s periscope of horrors. Like the unrelenting currents this title will wrap you in it’s cold embrace until you’re gasping for air and can longer fathom which way is up.

If you are ready to submerge your doubts and take the plunge then launch the podcast but be wary of depth charges.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -STEVEN
• -VICTOR

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Below DVD

Alternate Episode Title: “Hadouken Bullets!”

This movie was bad on so many levels it’s not even funny. Actually let me take that back it was very funny but for all the wrong reasons. It was like the people involved had never even played a video game let alone heard of Street Fighter.

The crew and I go all MST3K on this putrid pile. For your Street Fighter needs you would be better served checking out the anime movie or even the original Van Damme flick from the 90′s. Yeah that’s correct you read right, even that Raul Julia crap-fest is better than this movie. Not to toot my own horn (I’m really not that flexible) or anything but I bet you’d get more enjoyment out of listening to us rip this sorry excuse for a movie to shreds than actually watching the movie.

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -STEVEN
• -VICTOR

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li DVD
Amazon: Street Fighter II: The Animated Movie DVD
Amazon: Street Fighter Extreme Edition [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Street Fighter (Widescreen Extreme Edition) DVD

Alternate Episode Title: “Death by USB!”

One of my favorite movies of the 80′s. Robocop is without a doubt a classic of the cyborg-cop-buddy-action-sci-fi genre of which there are only two other movies that I can think of. Yeah you guessed it Robocop 2 & 3 but all kidding aside this truly is a great movie no matter how you slice it. You’ve got the sci-fi elements, the action, solid SFX, fun villains, awesome soundtrack, the human drama, great acting(Weller is a god), and of course Paul Verhoeven’s standard over-the-top violence/gore. I mean what’s not to like. Oh and I can’t forget good ol’ ED-209, I desperately wanted a toy of him when I was a kid actually come to think of it I still do.

If you think you’re ready to find out just how lethal USB can be then hop into that patrol car and let dispatch know that The Hard Cast is on the case. Dead or Alive you’re getting Hard and I’d definitely buy that for a dollar!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -STEVEN
• -LUIS

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Robocop [Blu-ray]
Amazon: Robocop (20th Anniversary Collector’s Edition) DVD
Amazon: Robocop Trilogy DVD
Amazon: Robocop Soundtrack

Alternate Episode Title: “THEY PAY ME TO FUCK SHIT UP!”

A movie that has been long time coming. While not quite up to my expectations Mutant Chronicles is still a fun little romp through B-Movie land. An infectious cheese-fest with lots of gore, over-the-top characters, a unique steampunk vibe/visuals, and visceral action sequences.

If you think you’re ready to volunteer for that suicide mission just remember that the crew of The Hard Cast have got your back!

PARTICIPANTS:

• -CHRIS
• -STEVEN

Support The Hard Cast by purchasing through our referral links:

Amazon: Mutant Chronicles 2-Disc Collector’s Edition DVD
Amazon: Mutant Chronicles [Blu-ray]